So I though I got the message when I went to the PRIDE classes and we talked about think twice before changing the child’s first name. Well, at least that was what I thought. I was surprise when Spidey did not agree to changing his last name. He said he did not like ours and he wanted to keep his. Somehow in our classes, I understood that his name was what defined him and that was why changes are difficult. When I went to my class I completely connected with the fact about your name defining you as I was also challenge to change my name when I became a citizen and when I got married. Somehow I did not translate that to the attachment my son had to his full name, his first, middle and last name. Yes, now that I think about it I ask my self, didn’t you go to school? didn’t you said you could relate? didn’t you said you had a problem changing your last name? Well, good for you for relating to it now relate to your son and to him having another loss, his last name. Do you think he will suffer another loss, now his identity? how would you feel about it? I know how I will feel about it! I cried as an adult woman when some official wanted to change my name during my citizenship and I felt helpless, cornered and I didn’t like that name. Wow!! that is the reason you had to live those moments little girl, that is the reason you had to fight for it, now go ahead and defend your son from this situation.
What can I can say now? We did changed my sons last name but we talked to him for months and prepared him to accept his new family name. We explained to him that it is a way for us to celebrate becoming a family, becoming a unity, a forever family. Well what I did was to get my son as involved as possible and as informed as he could be. Our adoption finalized in December 2013 and he was just baptize last month. Our son decided if he wanted to keep his first and middle name and he picked his new name. His new name is lovely and is meant for him. I know I love it. At the end it was our son’s decision and it will have a great story to go with it.
We love our son, he has made us grow and learn in ways I would have never imagine. We always try to prepare as much as we can but Spidey turns our world upside down in a second defying all the rules and for that we love him, without that we would still be the same. Gotta love it.
Adoption Journal 