Baptism MIRACLE “An epiphany”

My husband, son and I became a legal family December, 2013 and celebrated our son’s baptism May, 2014.  So now that we have done the baptism I have some time to breath and write a short story.  I love my younger sister, she is so organized and such a pro at decorating and having great party ideas that of course she helped me with the preparations for our son’s baptism.  One of the days before the baptism I went to visit my sister, her and her daughter open up the door and smiled as they welcome me into their house.  As I crossed the doorway I get this lovely smell of roses, the smell is so intense I look for the fresh flowers.  Somehow today, she did not have fresh-cut roses in the base that sits on top her dining room table.  I did not think much of it and thought the smell was coming from her rose bushes.  We started talking about the baptism,the decorations, the baptism favors.  I told her this week I have worked on the rosaries and after much trial and error I got it.  I showed her a sampled I brought with me and she loved it.  I didn’t tell my sister that while I am sitting in my little office making these rosaries I keep thinking of my grandma, she past away in ’97 and I miss her.  We continued talking as her daughter, now 1-year-old, walks around the house grabbing everything in her path.  We just make sure to keep an eye on her between the two of us.  Well the little one got to my sister’s bible and pull out a little piece of paper and brought it to me.  I open the small piece of paper and it was my grandmother’s handwriting, until this moment I did not know my sister had my grandma’s bible.  I said look at this is grandma’s handwriting, it says Ephesians 4: 5-6.  Look it up, our grandma is trying to tell us something.  My sister with disbelieve gets the bible and starts to read just to please me.  That is why I love her.  “There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, One god and Father of all”.  Wow! my skin just got goosebumps.  I said Grandma knows we are baptizing our children and she is happy about it.  Now I know that my grandma was really with me while I was making those rosaries, that she knows my son and she is with us in spirit.

I had an epiphany as I am writing this blog, I guess I was being very self-centered with my son’s baptism and with my spiritual relationship with my grandma that I missed the big picture.  I am glad I am doing this post now.  I am now for another time re-reading “There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all”, wow! Can you believe that? We just have to keep on working on our faith, God is here, God is real!  This message that I still believe my grandma sent us, is amazing.  To think that so many years ago she wrote that piece of paper while studying the bible so that it could there ready for her to guide my nice to deliver the message to us.  This is all God’s doing, I have to keep on working on my family’s spiritual journey and mine.  Gotta love it!  The big guy never seizes to amaze me, that was a lot of work and planning for this little person. I love you.

Keep on believing… Adoption rocks!

My Mom reminded me to keep blogging.  She said you wont remember those magical moments that happen every day.  So here I am, back again trying to inspire you to be patient, to wait whatever you have to wait, to endure whatever you have to endure.  Just think that your child is also waiting.  Remember that it has already been determined that he will be yours, but you have to keep on trying, preparing and waiting.  Remember that this child has been probably waiting for a longer time for a family, that has endured some hard situations and probably has had to deal with loss at a very young age.  Doesn’t that make your wait, sadness and anxiety almost nothing?  I know that it is really easy to say it, then to live it and to be in that moment.  Just believe me, it is all worth it!  and if you are still waiting for your child your wait will soon be over.

My husband and I went to a lot of the adoption training classes provided by our county and I still was so naive and clueless about attachment/bonding.  I made a lot of mistakes, but worked hard at bonding with my child.  I have to say that as a family we worked on it a LOT, our little one too.  We are at a stable place now but this relationships is something we will work on forever.  Sometimes he calls me Mama and that makes my day.  I love him and want to give him a stable family, lots of love, and fun.  We are all so happy for our immediate summer break!  Gotta love it.

Name change during adoption

So I though I got the message when I went to the PRIDE classes and we talked about think twice before changing the child’s first name. Well, at least that was what I thought. I was surprise when Spidey did not agree to changing his last name.  He said he did not like ours and he wanted to keep his.  Somehow in our classes, I understood that his name was what defined him and that was why changes are difficult.  When I went to my class I completely connected with the fact about your name defining you  as I was also challenge to change my name when I became a citizen and when I got married.  Somehow I did not translate that to the attachment my son had to his full name, his first, middle and last name.  Yes, now that I think about it I ask my self, didn’t you go to school? didn’t you said you could relate? didn’t you said you had a problem changing your last name? Well, good for you for relating to it now relate to your son and to him having another loss, his last name.  Do you think he will suffer another loss, now his identity? how would you feel about it? I know how I will feel about it! I cried as an adult woman when some official wanted to change my name during my citizenship and I felt helpless, cornered and I didn’t like that name.  Wow!! that is the reason you had to live those moments little girl, that is the reason you had to fight for it, now go ahead and defend your son from this situation.

What can I can say now?  We did changed my sons last name but we talked to him for months and prepared him to accept his new family name.  We explained to him that it is a way for us to celebrate becoming a family, becoming a unity, a forever family.  Well what I did was to get my son as involved as possible and as informed as he could be.  Our adoption finalized in December 2013 and he was just baptize last month.  Our son decided if he wanted to keep his first and middle name and he picked his new name.  His new name is lovely and is meant for him.  I know I love it.  At the end it was our son’s decision and it will have a great story to go with it.

We love our son, he has made us grow and learn in ways I would have never imagine.  We always try to prepare as much as we can but Spidey turns our world upside down in a second defying all the rules and for that we love him, without that we would still be the same.  Gotta love it.

5 great things

After almost three weeks living together, I have to say it has been a roller-coaster ride. Today I feel wonderful, content, at peace, and definitely where I should be.

This is my top 5 great things that we have accomplished:
1. Spidey stopped sitting at the teacher’s desk, he is now sitting with other kids during the class.
2. Spidey got the bath, brush your teeth, go to bed, read, and go to sleep routine down.
3. Spidey has gotten green cards from school almost everyday.
4. Spidey colored at school using colors, before he will only use black.
5. Spidey is having less trouble finishing his homework.

I have to admire my husbands patience and thank him for being my rock.

Foster-Adoption…..Timeless

It’s been a more than a week since we had our meeting with the adoption worker.  I needed some time to accept the reality of our adoption process, that the process is long and the time is not of great concern.  Well, one week did not change my mind, I feel more frustrated tonight.  I went back to “Rivers of Hope web page”, one of my favorites, and found that kids that had already been “potentially matched” in the webpage are again looking for adoptive parents.

Every time I feel frustrated and emotional about this process, I have to remember that it will happen when the time is right for us.  The adoption worker told us that the average wait time is one year.  We have been so busy with all the PRIDE classes, child proofing the house, answering questionnaires, attending home visits, work on top of it all and is already the end of March.  Time did fly by, we are getting old and at the same time I can’t help and think of children in foster care that could be adopted and are also getting old while in the system.

I don’t want to wait!!! I want to do something about it, I am not certain on how to start.  I’ll start by completing my bio-questionnaire (another one).

Now (today), two weeks after the meeting with our adoption worker I feel better.  All my feelings of frustration have gone away.  I have schedule our classes for adoption and should start answering my bio-questionnaire (that I have not started).

  • Couples making a difference

    Tiramisu, a well-known dessert from the Veneto...

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    We had several speakers today, a nurse, two foster children (now young woman) and a birth parent.  The nurse was the first speaker and she went through all the required documentation that will be filled out for the foster child and the importance of complying with the expected number of check-ups and sending the information to the agency in a timely manner.  This helps support an exact health history for the child, they call it Health Passport.

    The second speaker was a bubbly young woman, she told her story in great detail and how she got into foster care and how she focused on her school and was never able to make a connection, it made me remember the attachment class.  This young woman had such a hard life and had been all the time trying to be accepted and liked.  At the age of 10 the state remove the birth parents “parental” rights and she felt it was already to late for her to get adopted.  It broke my heart to hear it, the entire room was so attentive, as she kept talking about her challenges in life and growing in foster care it made it so difficult to keep a straight face, my eyes were all watery and my throat had a big knot.  Overall, it was such a positive presentation that made me realize how fortunate we are to have the time, strength, faith, support and love to continue on this path.  The class ended with a candle ceremony.

    We went to the back of the room and formed a circle and passed a candle as we said “I light this candle for …….”, this was a very touching moment for me.  Seeing all the couples around the room and to feel all the love, excitement, dedication and willingness it was amazing.  There are really good people out there trying to make a difference. I love it!

    SPANISH

    Tuvimos varios oradores del día de hoy, una enfermera, dos niñas que estuvieron bajo crianza temporal (ahora jóvenes) y un padre biológico.  La enfermera fue la primera en hablar, explico toda la documentación que se requiere para mantener al corriente el historial médico del niño de crianza temporal, la importancia de cumplir con el número esperado de los exámenes médicos y el envío de la información a la agencia en el momento oportuno.  Esto ayuda a mantener un historial médico preciso del niño, que lo llaman Pasaporte de Salud.

    El segundo orador fue una joven simpática, ella contó su historia con gran detalle y cómo entró en este programa desde muy pequeña y cómo se enfocó en su escuela y nunca fue capaz de hacer una conexión con ninguna de las familias, me hizo recordar la clase de apego.  Esta joven tuvo una vida tan dura y había seguido tratando todo el tiempo ser aceptada y querida.  A la edad de 10, el Estado les quita a los padres biológicos los derechos de patria potestada y sintió que ya era demasiado tarde para que ella pudiera ser adoptada.  Me rompió el corazón escuchar su historia, toda la sala estaba silencia y todos muy atentos, ya que no dejaba de hablar de sus diferentes retos en la vida y cada vez mayores, lo que hizo tan difícil mantener una cara seria, mis ojos estaban llorosos y tenía un nudo en la garganta.  En general, fue una presentación positiva que me hizo darme cuenta de lo afortunados que somos al tener el tiempo, la fuerza, la fe, apoyo y amor para continuar en este camino.  La clase terminó con una ceremonia de una vela.
    Fuimos a la parte posterior de la sala, formamos un círculo y se pasa una vela cada quien dice “Enciendo esta vela para …….”, este fue un momento muy conmovedor para mí. Ver todas las parejas alrededor de la habitación y sentir todo el amor, el entusiasmo, la dedicación y la voluntad era increíble.  Hay mucha buena gente tratando de hacer la diferencia.  Me encanta!

    Adoption – Spreading the news

    BEING MORE OPEN

    Yesterday was a breakthrough for me.  I am usually a reserved person and do not share my personal life with coworkers that much or at least that is what I think.  I finally feel more comfortable about our adoption process and I have opened up with some of my coworkers and shared our news.  Everyone has been so accepting and open, one lady that is also an adoptive mother will bring her car seat for us, her son just graduated to a booster seat.  Everything appears to be falling into place, we are securing the access to the garage and other areas in our home, and we have completed most of the paperwork.

    There are still some actions that we need to complete like the Physical exam, which we have scheduled an appointment for next Monday, I think we are still missing two of the reference letters, put a fence around the roses, buy an additional car seat, put a safety lock on the windows, removed the bottles of wine to a restricted area, and organize all the cables under the computer.

    Today we attended the 3rd PRIDE Class on attachment.  I enjoyed this class better than the previous one.  I felt we got a lot of interesting information and the instructors are trying to prepared us as much as possible.   We got instructed in determining physical, intellectual, and emotional developmental delays.  We also looked into potential strategies for improving those delays, and the importance of working with the resources available (Teachers, Social Worker, Therapist).

    The class also touched on the Foster Care Statistics for our county, here are some fun numbers.

    40,185 Hotline calls per year

    74,489 children affected by these calls

    23,927 were turned into assigned investigations

    1,726 Petitions to remove the children from the hoes were filed

    1,625 children have birth parents that are performing some type of volunteer services (taking anger management classes, getting drug tested on a regular basis, etc).

    Ethnicity percent for children in Foster Care

    43% Hispanic

    30% White

    22% Black

    4% Asian

    1% Native American