Baptism MIRACLE “An epiphany”

My husband, son and I became a legal family December, 2013 and celebrated our son’s baptism May, 2014.  So now that we have done the baptism I have some time to breath and write a short story.  I love my younger sister, she is so organized and such a pro at decorating and having great party ideas that of course she helped me with the preparations for our son’s baptism.  One of the days before the baptism I went to visit my sister, her and her daughter open up the door and smiled as they welcome me into their house.  As I crossed the doorway I get this lovely smell of roses, the smell is so intense I look for the fresh flowers.  Somehow today, she did not have fresh-cut roses in the base that sits on top her dining room table.  I did not think much of it and thought the smell was coming from her rose bushes.  We started talking about the baptism,the decorations, the baptism favors.  I told her this week I have worked on the rosaries and after much trial and error I got it.  I showed her a sampled I brought with me and she loved it.  I didn’t tell my sister that while I am sitting in my little office making these rosaries I keep thinking of my grandma, she past away in ’97 and I miss her.  We continued talking as her daughter, now 1-year-old, walks around the house grabbing everything in her path.  We just make sure to keep an eye on her between the two of us.  Well the little one got to my sister’s bible and pull out a little piece of paper and brought it to me.  I open the small piece of paper and it was my grandmother’s handwriting, until this moment I did not know my sister had my grandma’s bible.  I said look at this is grandma’s handwriting, it says Ephesians 4: 5-6.  Look it up, our grandma is trying to tell us something.  My sister with disbelieve gets the bible and starts to read just to please me.  That is why I love her.  “There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, One god and Father of all”.  Wow! my skin just got goosebumps.  I said Grandma knows we are baptizing our children and she is happy about it.  Now I know that my grandma was really with me while I was making those rosaries, that she knows my son and she is with us in spirit.

I had an epiphany as I am writing this blog, I guess I was being very self-centered with my son’s baptism and with my spiritual relationship with my grandma that I missed the big picture.  I am glad I am doing this post now.  I am now for another time re-reading “There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all”, wow! Can you believe that? We just have to keep on working on our faith, God is here, God is real!  This message that I still believe my grandma sent us, is amazing.  To think that so many years ago she wrote that piece of paper while studying the bible so that it could there ready for her to guide my nice to deliver the message to us.  This is all God’s doing, I have to keep on working on my family’s spiritual journey and mine.  Gotta love it!  The big guy never seizes to amaze me, that was a lot of work and planning for this little person. I love you.

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Name change during adoption

So I though I got the message when I went to the PRIDE classes and we talked about think twice before changing the child’s first name. Well, at least that was what I thought. I was surprise when Spidey did not agree to changing his last name.  He said he did not like ours and he wanted to keep his.  Somehow in our classes, I understood that his name was what defined him and that was why changes are difficult.  When I went to my class I completely connected with the fact about your name defining you  as I was also challenge to change my name when I became a citizen and when I got married.  Somehow I did not translate that to the attachment my son had to his full name, his first, middle and last name.  Yes, now that I think about it I ask my self, didn’t you go to school? didn’t you said you could relate? didn’t you said you had a problem changing your last name? Well, good for you for relating to it now relate to your son and to him having another loss, his last name.  Do you think he will suffer another loss, now his identity? how would you feel about it? I know how I will feel about it! I cried as an adult woman when some official wanted to change my name during my citizenship and I felt helpless, cornered and I didn’t like that name.  Wow!! that is the reason you had to live those moments little girl, that is the reason you had to fight for it, now go ahead and defend your son from this situation.

What can I can say now?  We did changed my sons last name but we talked to him for months and prepared him to accept his new family name.  We explained to him that it is a way for us to celebrate becoming a family, becoming a unity, a forever family.  Well what I did was to get my son as involved as possible and as informed as he could be.  Our adoption finalized in December 2013 and he was just baptize last month.  Our son decided if he wanted to keep his first and middle name and he picked his new name.  His new name is lovely and is meant for him.  I know I love it.  At the end it was our son’s decision and it will have a great story to go with it.

We love our son, he has made us grow and learn in ways I would have never imagine.  We always try to prepare as much as we can but Spidey turns our world upside down in a second defying all the rules and for that we love him, without that we would still be the same.  Gotta love it.

5 great things

After almost three weeks living together, I have to say it has been a roller-coaster ride. Today I feel wonderful, content, at peace, and definitely where I should be.

This is my top 5 great things that we have accomplished:
1. Spidey stopped sitting at the teacher’s desk, he is now sitting with other kids during the class.
2. Spidey got the bath, brush your teeth, go to bed, read, and go to sleep routine down.
3. Spidey has gotten green cards from school almost everyday.
4. Spidey colored at school using colors, before he will only use black.
5. Spidey is having less trouble finishing his homework.

I have to admire my husbands patience and thank him for being my rock.

Adoption interview update

This past Monday we prepared all of our paperwork, we finished entering the financial information, and the employer information release forms.  Then I went to look for our marriage license, I had to go through several boxes of documents until there it was, in the 3rd box with all of its colors.  I went and checked the marriage date, we got married 12/21/2002. I some how always forget the date (we had our religious ceremony on a different day).

The next morning, Tuesday, we got our schedules at work changed.  We got to worker a bit early so we could leave early to be at our appointment on time.  I blocked my calendar so that I would not get any meeting requests.  I was planning my day, going through the early emails and then the phone rings.

-Hello, I’m calling on behalf of your adoption worker, is this Paty?

– Yes, this is she.

-We are calling to cancel you appointment for today, your adoption worker had an emergency and will not be available for the appointment.  She will call you back to reschedule.

-Ok, thank you.

After I hang up the phone all the anxiety and expectations went away.  Now we have to wait again, so we wait for the phone call.  So of course we worked from very early in the morning until late Tuesday.  We went home feeling bit down, I went back again to look at the kids in the CAkids website and send another inquire about a pair of siblings.  I must have sent 3 inquiries for the same siblings.  They look so cute and they are in the age range we are looking to adopt.

On Wednesday morning, as I am again at the office going through the early emails and the schedule for the day my phones beeps.  If you can picture the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” when she would open the computer and it would say “you got mail” and her eyes got bigger and her smile got wider, well it was something similar.  I heard the beep, picked up my black berry, saw an email from the CAkids and I got a huge smile and I could feel butterflies in my stomach.  Then I clicked and read the email carefully, I read it several times, then it sink in.  The social worker was sending me to the county webpage to see the requirements.  I though I don’t need to know the requirements I’m almost done with all my paperwork.  I decided to reply and send her more specific information about my adoption worker and my case number.   To my surprise a few minutes later my phone beepped again and it was a response from the social worker.  I picked up the phone, saw the sender got all excited and open the email.  I could feel my heart pounding faster.  My email read something like this, the pair of siblings you were interested in have been already assigned to a potential adoptive family.   It must not be meant to be, at least for us to adopt these children.

On a brighter note, we got a phone call from the adoption worker and our meeting has been reschedule for next Wednesday!! Yeah!

Adoption – Changing the child’s name

PRIDE Class # 4: LOSS

Today’s class started with an exercise that had one of the instructor as the subject.  The other instructor started asking her questions regarding her marriage, she shared a couple of things about her husband and how long they had been married, then they ask someone from class to step up to the from next to her to take the place of the husband.  The next questions was about her children and grandchildren, then someone from the class step up next to her left side.  Now the main character was surrounded by her immediate attachments.  Then more questions were asked and she talked about her job, that took the place next to the husband.  Then she talked about her hobbies and someone else walk up to the front next to the kids and lastly she talked about her special trait.  Then the last student walk up and stood up next to the hobbies.  Now we had her attachments around her and a card with her name over her lap. 

The next step in the exercise was to show how she starts getting affected by the loss of her attachments by making a decision to move to another town due to work opportunities.  The main character first thing she looses is her special trait, under so much stress and trying to coordinate her move she can no longer be the same person and let’s go of her trait.  Then again, due to all the activities of the move she can no longer spend time for her hobby and that attachment is loss.  By now you can start seeing a discomfort in the main character she has lost her special trait and her hobby, she has loss all the things that make her relax and enjoy life.  After her kids and grandkids found out about the move they try to keep in touch but after while they stop contacting her and are not that happy about the move.  That attachment is also lost.  shortly after that she looses the remaining 2 attachments (her work and her husband).  To top it all off, after her move her new coworkers, store clerks, etc. can never pronounce her name, not even her name has remained the same.  At this point she has lost the attachment to her name and as a consequence her identity.  At this moment the instructor says that now the main character has lost her name!!! It was like a light bulb!!  This brought some recent memories.

A couple of years after I got married, I was taking my citizenship exam and the officer at the time told me that my name had to changed.  He proceeded to tell me that my name cannot be hyphenated and that I had to take my husband’s name and lose my last name.  At that moment I agree, I felt forced, after all i was taking my citizenship exam and this officer was in charge of it.  After I left the offices I felt so depressed, I was crying on the way to my car.  I decided to give one of my sisters a call.  She gave me great advice and said just go back and say you don’t want your name to change.  So I turned around talked to the officer again and got the name I wanted…. “My name”, I love my name.  When I was observing this part of the exercise in class i actually felt i could connect with the characters situation.

The next part of the exercise was to understand the reaction of foster children to overcome all the losses before they are placed in you home.  She went one by one, exactly all of the losses that the main character had to go through applied to the foster child and then the name.  i had actually discussed changing the child’s name when adopt, but now this made me understand a lot better.  We will give our adopted child the name he wants, if he wishes to keep his/her name our love won’t change.

WOW, I am actually learning a lot from these classes.

Adoption – Baby steps!

The weekend before Thanksgiving we spent sometime at a bookstore in Seaport Village “Upstart Crow Bookstore“, while having a delicious cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee I wondered around the aisles looking for an interesting read.  I found a wonderful book, that seem perfect for me, my husband and for our moment in time.  The book title is “Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir“, at first glance it got my attention because of the exotic blue cover with a picture of a latino girl in the center.  I took the book to one the reading areas and started reading.  I immediately got into the story and started reading fragments out loud to my husband.  The book caught my attention and I decided to purchase it, I kept reading for rest of the weekend until the end.  It changed my point of view about adoption.  Until the moment before I started reading the book I felt that parents looking to adopt where victims of a complicated system.  I felt that the system had become a business and that you had to be very careful of people who will try to take advantage of you.  I felt like when I was planning our wedding and all those vendors tried to take advantage of us, and we had to haggle.  Somehow this felt worst, we were talking about a child (life).  I felt that as potential adoptive parents we were doing a great thing and that people working in adoption should take that into consideration.  While some of the things I mention before I still feel are truth, my eye opener was the other side of the story, the mothers that give up their children to adoption.  This part of the story in the book no longer made me feel as a victim.  My feelings started shifting from unfortunate to blessed.  Now I feel grateful to have the opportunity to help someone, to impact a child’s life in a positive way.  My husband and I are thinking about having an open adoption.  After I finish reading Mamalita we went to the book reading on December 4th at the Santee Public Library.  That same day we started our adoption process with San Diego county, we went to the offices to fill out paperwork, gave our references and got our fingerprints done.  Within a week we got a letter in the mail from the county advising us to make an appointment as soon as possible.  Next Friday is our first home visit, we are really looking forward to it.