Adoption interview update

This past Monday we prepared all of our paperwork, we finished entering the financial information, and the employer information release forms.  Then I went to look for our marriage license, I had to go through several boxes of documents until there it was, in the 3rd box with all of its colors.  I went and checked the marriage date, we got married 12/21/2002. I some how always forget the date (we had our religious ceremony on a different day).

The next morning, Tuesday, we got our schedules at work changed.  We got to worker a bit early so we could leave early to be at our appointment on time.  I blocked my calendar so that I would not get any meeting requests.  I was planning my day, going through the early emails and then the phone rings.

-Hello, I’m calling on behalf of your adoption worker, is this Paty?

– Yes, this is she.

-We are calling to cancel you appointment for today, your adoption worker had an emergency and will not be available for the appointment.  She will call you back to reschedule.

-Ok, thank you.

After I hang up the phone all the anxiety and expectations went away.  Now we have to wait again, so we wait for the phone call.  So of course we worked from very early in the morning until late Tuesday.  We went home feeling bit down, I went back again to look at the kids in the CAkids website and send another inquire about a pair of siblings.  I must have sent 3 inquiries for the same siblings.  They look so cute and they are in the age range we are looking to adopt.

On Wednesday morning, as I am again at the office going through the early emails and the schedule for the day my phones beeps.  If you can picture the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” when she would open the computer and it would say “you got mail” and her eyes got bigger and her smile got wider, well it was something similar.  I heard the beep, picked up my black berry, saw an email from the CAkids and I got a huge smile and I could feel butterflies in my stomach.  Then I clicked and read the email carefully, I read it several times, then it sink in.  The social worker was sending me to the county webpage to see the requirements.  I though I don’t need to know the requirements I’m almost done with all my paperwork.  I decided to reply and send her more specific information about my adoption worker and my case number.   To my surprise a few minutes later my phone beepped again and it was a response from the social worker.  I picked up the phone, saw the sender got all excited and open the email.  I could feel my heart pounding faster.  My email read something like this, the pair of siblings you were interested in have been already assigned to a potential adoptive family.   It must not be meant to be, at least for us to adopt these children.

On a brighter note, we got a phone call from the adoption worker and our meeting has been reschedule for next Wednesday!! Yeah!

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Adoption worker assigned

Today we received in the mail a letter stating the social worker assigned to our adoption process.  We have to fill out a couple of questionnaires and approve an employment verification form.  We also have to call the social worker to schedule our interviews.  YES!!! The ball is on our court.  

Waiting to adopt, while children wait to be adopted

We just completed all of our requirements to receive the foster parent license, now we just sit and wait.  Even though we just completed the last requirement this week I already feel antsy.  I check websites that display the kids that are waiting to be adopted constantly.  Just this week I found two siblings of the age we are planning and in our state, not in our county but in our state.  I have no idea what will it take to foster-adopt siblings in my state, but not in my county.  These are the websites that I constantly browse:

This websites keep me inspired and maintain my hope of adoption.  The only thing that I wonder is why the wait? why do they have to wait? and why do I have to wait?

On one of our last Pride classes, the teacher explained that they  have 150 families waiting for adoption and that usually they do around 650 adoptions per year.  You can see me in the class room right away calculating, if 650 per year this means about two children a day. If I would calculate that they are all siblings (2), then it will be one adoption per day. Also if there are 150 couples before us, then we would approximately have to wait 5 months, wow!

So for now we wait.

Flashback

My husband and I met at work; I joined this lab and he joined the adjacent laboratory 5 months later.  We spent time together having lunch every day, talking, we joined a bowling league and got to know each other a bit more.  I was not really interested in dating someone I worked with but it was a feeling I could not stop.  We dated for 8 months, talked about marriage, got engaged and married 8 months later.  When we got married I was already 35 years old, having children was always a concern in the back of my mine, even before we got married.

A couple of years earlier, 4 to 5 years before I met my husband a gipsy read my fortune and told that she did not see any  children in my future.  At that time I was not even thinking of getting married, even less of having kids, I told her that I have always wanted to have 4 children (bluffing).  That did not change her mind, she said the most I see, maybe is one.  Somehow this reading stayed in my mind and I made sure to talk about the possibility of not having children with my then future husband.  We both felt that we would be fine and that are relationship was special and it was the right time to move forward to marriage.  By the time we got married I was 36 and we decided to wait until our economic situation was more stable.  Sadly by the time we started to try to have children, I was 38, my body had decided I was too old to conceive.

I had peri-menopause symptoms shortly after I stopped taking the pill and stopped ovulating completely by age 43, even though for the last two years I hardly ever got my period.  All these symptoms did show up until I stopped taking the pill.  Some of the challenges I had, was communicating with my family and letting them know about my diagnosis.  Somehow they all told me at different times that women do not go into menopause until they are in their late 40’s or 50’s.  They also said that older women are having children all time; you see it on TV.  I tried to explain to them that I had all these specific tests (Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH)) that demonstrated my condition.  Through my last years of peri-menopause I kept thinking I was pregnant every three months.  I would go and buy Pregnancy test, wait until my first morning urine.  Then I took the test anxiously waiting, the test will once again read “Not Pregnant”.  Besides feeling down, I would open up the test pen and will look directly at the strip looking for a faint positive line.   It took me while to finally overcome the dream of a biological child, the fact that I did not have my period for a consecutive year and I was now a menopausal women helped.  There was no hope of having a biological child; I was then able to move on.

So here I am a year and a half later hoping to become a Mom by fostering Love.

ESPAÑOL

MIRANDO HACIA ATRAS

Mi esposo y yo nos conocimos en el trabajo, empecé a trabajar en un laboratorio y el empezó a trabajar en el mismo laboratorio 5 meses después.  Pasamos tiempos juntos a la hora del lonche todos los días, platicando, después entramos juntos a una liga de boliche y lo llegue a conocerse un poco más.  Yo no estaba realmente interesada en salir con alguien con quien trabajó, pero era un sentimiento que no podía detener.  Salimos durante 8 meses, hablamos de matrimonio, nos comprometimos y nos casamos ocho meses más tarde. Cuando nos casamos yo tenía 35 años de edad, el tener hijos fue siempre una preocupación que mantuve en mi mente, incluso antes de casarnos.

Un par de años antes, 4 ó 5 años antes de conocer a mi esposo una gitana me leyó las cartas y me dijo que no vio a ningún hijo en mi futuro.  En ese momento ni siquiera estaba pensando en casarme, ni mucho menos en tener hijos, le dije que siempre había querido tener 4 hijos (mentiras).  Eso no hizo cambiar su mente, ella dijo que lo único que veía era tal vez solo un hijo.  De alguna manera esta lectura se quedó en mi mente y me aseguré de hablar sobre la posibilidad de no tener hijos con mi futuro esposo.  Ambos sentimos que íbamos a estar bien con o sin hijos, que nuestra relación era muy especial y que era el momento adecuado para seguir adelante con nuestro matrimonio.  En el momento en que nos casamos yo tenía 36 y decidimos esperar hasta que nuestra situación económica fuera más estable.  Lamentablemente cuando empezamos a tratar de tener hijos, yo tenía 38, mi cuerpo ya había decidido que era demasiado vieja para concebir.

Yo tenía síntomas de peri-menopausia poco después de que dejé de tomar la píldora y deje de ovular por completo a la edad de 43 años, a pesar de que durante los últimos dos años casi nunca tuve mi período.  Todos estos síntomas se presentaron hasta que deje de tomar la píldora.  Algunos de los retos que tuve fue la comunicación con mi familia y hacerles saber acerca de mi diagnóstico.  De alguna manera todos ellos me dijeron en un momento u otro que las mujeres no entran en la menopausia hasta que están en sus finales de los 40s o 50s.  También dijeron que las mujeres con mayor edad que Yo, tenían hijos todos los días, que las veían en la televisión.  Traté de explicarles que yo tenía pruebas de laboratorio (hormona folículo estimulante (FSH)) que demostraban mi condición.  Durante mis últimos dos años de la peri-menopausia constantemente pensé que estaba embarazada (cada tres meses).  Iba y compraba la prueba de embarazo, esperaba hasta la primera orina de la mañana para hacer el examen.  Cada vez tomaba la prueba esperando ansiosamente, la prueba volvía a decir “no embarazada”.  Además de sentirme triste, me ponía a abrir la pluma de la prueba y se miraba directamente a la tira buscando una línea débil que me pudiera dar esperanza de una prueba positiva.

Me tomó tiempo superar, por fin, el sueño de tener un hijo biológico, el hecho de que no tuve mi periodo por un año consecutivo y que ahora era una mujer en la menopausia, me ayudo.  No había esperanza de tener un hijo biológico, fue esto lo que me ayudo a seguir adelante.

Así que aquí estoy un año y medio más tarde con la esperanza de convertirme en Mamá fomentando amor.

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Couples making a difference

Tiramisu, a well-known dessert from the Veneto...

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We had several speakers today, a nurse, two foster children (now young woman) and a birth parent.  The nurse was the first speaker and she went through all the required documentation that will be filled out for the foster child and the importance of complying with the expected number of check-ups and sending the information to the agency in a timely manner.  This helps support an exact health history for the child, they call it Health Passport.

The second speaker was a bubbly young woman, she told her story in great detail and how she got into foster care and how she focused on her school and was never able to make a connection, it made me remember the attachment class.  This young woman had such a hard life and had been all the time trying to be accepted and liked.  At the age of 10 the state remove the birth parents “parental” rights and she felt it was already to late for her to get adopted.  It broke my heart to hear it, the entire room was so attentive, as she kept talking about her challenges in life and growing in foster care it made it so difficult to keep a straight face, my eyes were all watery and my throat had a big knot.  Overall, it was such a positive presentation that made me realize how fortunate we are to have the time, strength, faith, support and love to continue on this path.  The class ended with a candle ceremony.

We went to the back of the room and formed a circle and passed a candle as we said “I light this candle for …….”, this was a very touching moment for me.  Seeing all the couples around the room and to feel all the love, excitement, dedication and willingness it was amazing.  There are really good people out there trying to make a difference. I love it!

SPANISH

Tuvimos varios oradores del día de hoy, una enfermera, dos niñas que estuvieron bajo crianza temporal (ahora jóvenes) y un padre biológico.  La enfermera fue la primera en hablar, explico toda la documentación que se requiere para mantener al corriente el historial médico del niño de crianza temporal, la importancia de cumplir con el número esperado de los exámenes médicos y el envío de la información a la agencia en el momento oportuno.  Esto ayuda a mantener un historial médico preciso del niño, que lo llaman Pasaporte de Salud.

El segundo orador fue una joven simpática, ella contó su historia con gran detalle y cómo entró en este programa desde muy pequeña y cómo se enfocó en su escuela y nunca fue capaz de hacer una conexión con ninguna de las familias, me hizo recordar la clase de apego.  Esta joven tuvo una vida tan dura y había seguido tratando todo el tiempo ser aceptada y querida.  A la edad de 10, el Estado les quita a los padres biológicos los derechos de patria potestada y sintió que ya era demasiado tarde para que ella pudiera ser adoptada.  Me rompió el corazón escuchar su historia, toda la sala estaba silencia y todos muy atentos, ya que no dejaba de hablar de sus diferentes retos en la vida y cada vez mayores, lo que hizo tan difícil mantener una cara seria, mis ojos estaban llorosos y tenía un nudo en la garganta.  En general, fue una presentación positiva que me hizo darme cuenta de lo afortunados que somos al tener el tiempo, la fuerza, la fe, apoyo y amor para continuar en este camino.  La clase terminó con una ceremonia de una vela.
Fuimos a la parte posterior de la sala, formamos un círculo y se pasa una vela cada quien dice “Enciendo esta vela para …….”, este fue un momento muy conmovedor para mí. Ver todas las parejas alrededor de la habitación y sentir todo el amor, el entusiasmo, la dedicación y la voluntad era increíble.  Hay mucha buena gente tratando de hacer la diferencia.  Me encanta!